Does the Whole World Want to See Miley Cyrus Naked?

Well, according to my blog from 3 years ago…the answer is yes….read along and then let’s see where we land today:

Part 1:

22 May 2010 at 13:31

Well, to be perfectly honest I don’t. In fact if I see one more Hanna Schmanna Montana tee shirt you may find me on top of a Wal Mart in an orange jumpsuit and an AK 47.

Here’s the dealio…I have observed for WEEKS now more Miley Cyrus frackus… humped shoulders, wanting to get married, now her jewelry line can apparently cause soft bone syndrome in small kids… I think the real fact is SHE is causing America to have soft bones especially in their cranium.
I can’t wait to see how the spin doctors work their magic on the jewelry debacle, as does anyone remember the whole “I must apologize to my fans” crap over THE photo in Vanity Fair? Meanwhile she was running around all cell phone picture happy with a huge desire to apparently snap shots of herself pulling up her shirt and showing her underwear or as Disney would have you think, “under roos”.

Perhaps I am taking a different view because of what I do for a living and I never look at an ad, artist, cd cover, etc without a critical eye. I notice if the tagline doesn’t match the graphic or if the wrong demographic is being targeted, but in this case all of this fracas is as my dear friend Wil once said, Much Ado About Nothing as imho it always IS with Miss Cyrus.

Whether its photos, bad posture, or bracelets..this is a simple equation. Dad- best known for a tragic haircut and a song that was played ad nauseum. Daughter- with a modicum of talent and apparently a stash of magic fairy dust that has enthralled half of America and a blindingly hot career. Uh, yep. Not exactly college level quantum physics is it?

Miley Cyrus is a meal ticket and she’s truly not any different than the Britney’s, Lindsay’s or the you fill in the blank of some starlet who can’t get their act together—chicklet -she just hasn’t MAJORLY stumbled in public…… unless the toxic bracelet incident will do it. If I read one more news item about Miley’s most unimportant tidbit, I might just cough up one of her cds….well no I can’t do that b/c I don’t own one.
Still, it goes back to Marketing. The real issue is, she is not a singer, actress or even a normal teenage girl…she is a brand. Think of her as Coke, Nike, or a Coach Handbag with long brown hair. There are billions of dollars being churned every time she sings or poses for some poorly designed tee shirt that a girl her age earning 17 cents an hour is manufacturing in China.

I remember reading once that..:
“According to Disney Channel Executive Vice President Gary Marsh, Cyrus was chosen for Hannah Montana because of her energetic and lively performance and was seen as a person who “loves every minute of life,” with the “everyday relatability of Hilary Duff and the stage presence of Shania Twain.”

Give me a break. No, Gary she was chosen because of her last name, and the barely readable words meal ticket scrawled on her forehead. And the stage presence of Shania Twain? Am I missing something here? Last time I checked in, Shania wasn’t exactly wearing a dress from the FLDS collection and making biscuits in her spare time.

The reality when the photo issue happened was that someone in the Cyrus camp forgot to pull out their Blackberry and text someone over at the Disney Teen Promos office to see if they would mind if she was photographed by one of the most legendary photographers of our time without one of her own tee shirts on her. People aren’t THAT stupid…they saw a major publication like Vanity Fair and the result caused momentary dollar sign blindness.

Bottom line? Wrong product placement. You don’t advertise in the wrong venue. It’s like putting an ad for Hershey’s chocolate in a Diabetes Today magazine. No. no. no.

And noxious jewelry? Uh yeah…..quality control pushed aside to meet summer collections in Wal Marts across the nation.

Stick to Teen People, Teen Music or even “we are great at getting around teen labor laws, megalomaniac ”

Someone should have referred back to the Miley Cyrus Marketing Strategy or called me.

Maybe Daddy Cyrus isn’t a Harvard Business School graduate (ok, even I laughed out loud on that one!) but shouldn’t he know by now that the Miley marketing strategy is most effective when it is an integral component of a corporate strategy (Disney/ Hannah), defining how the organization (the entire Cyrus singing clan) will successfully engage customers (teenage girls and boys age 12-16), prospects (next movie, concert, book signing at Wal Mart), and competitors in the market arena (any younger sister of a Lohan, Duff or Spears that isn’t currently pregnant or in rehab).
It is partially derived from broader corporate strategies (put money in the account to upgrade the backyard hot tub), corporate missions (money), and corporate goals (money). As the customer (tweens, who have expendable fundage) constitutes the source of a company’s revenue, a marketing strategy is closely linked with sales. No sh*t Sherlock.

A key component of a marketing strategy is often to keep marketing in line with a company’s overarching mission statement. (present Miley Cyrus as cotton candy to millions of people worldwide and get as much revenue out of her before her bra size gets bigger and you have to redo your marketing plan for a different demographic).

I could go on but let’s just wrap this up and say whatever Camp Cyrus is selling, I’m not buying.

And btw, didn’t Miley have a dvd out named “Best of Both Worlds”…sorry to break the news to you and Daddy, not going to happen.

Part 2:

So now that we have reviewed my musings on the beginning of Miley Cyrus’s epic rise into our pop culture..I have to pat myself on the back just a smidge…I called this one in spades…. well except for the jewelry debacle that went underground super fast…probably because now there is some factory in Hong Kong making Cyrus tongue rings and temporary tattoos. I was close though, very close. Then  again, I market products, ideas and people for a living and I am a publicist too… but I will lay down my iPad, my iPhone, name it and bow to the Gods of PR that are in the Miley camp…b/c “this” is perfection.

Yes, I know you just threw up in your mouth a little…but let’s face it Americans , tv, talk show hosts and magazines are spending more time on Miley than they are on Malala and that is tragic beyond belief. It’s tragic for various reasons but mainly because the public is acting like it is so very shocking when it really is quite formulaic.. Wendy O. Williams, (haircut)- Madonna- (wild performances), Lady Gaga- (product placement in mainstream cultural media.) Miley isn’t edgy, her VMA performance wasn’t edgy…all of this hoopla is a publicist’s dream..because as we are all talking about her tongue and break up , while she is watching her bank account rise , it was all carefully staged over 3 years ago. I’ll give her and her “posse” credit, seeing that she couldn’t maintain the Disney status quo they more than likely put together a 5 year strategic plan on how to get her..sorry keep her the topic of conversation.

Where will she go from here? Poor thing must be exhausted thinking of new ways to reinvent herself and she’s only 21. I mean really once you have twerked on national tv, hosted SNL, posed on the cover of Rolling Stone..what’s left? Perhaps a well placed and promoted drug overdose, run in with the police or nude layout in Playboy? At this point there’s not much of anything that has credibility to it that she can do…because at the end of the guess is..Miley takes herself seriously. The scary part is so does the American public. All of the magic fairy dust she throws from stage is covering our eyes from the real issues in our country…and that is far more tragic than any latex outfit she could don.

While we are buying Rolling Stone and paying attention to what she says, it leaves little room in our heads for what other people are saying. I guess until they bring a foam finger to the party nothing will change.

So to the relevant young women in our world…I am sorry, no I’m embarrassed …you deserve better..and Cyrus deserves less..but please don’t believe that pandering to the lowest common denominator is ever a good thing…the light bulbs will flash and in your light blindness you may consider that an appearance on a stage where your tongue is the main attraction is what is best..but it isn’t.

Use your tongue to form words that matter , words that change the world..not words that form a wrecking ball for popular culture…be the next Chelsea Clinton, be the next Malala Yousafzai, or be the next Severn Cullis-Suzuki..better yet, be y-o-u. Don’t imitate what you see, because trust me in a few years when the smoke lifts, all that will be left will be a used up teddy bear , wearing a striped suit and star decals for eyes.

One can only hope though, one can only hope….


About kimthore

Freelance journalist, writer, arts and entertainment guru.. I'm a reviewer, music critic, publicist, columnist, writer, marketer and artist.... In a weird combination I am also a Process Improvement Expert with 15 years experience in Six Sigma, CPI, ISO, I can tell a corporation how to work more efficiently with Dio playing on my IPod
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