Sopranos, Symbolism and Sianara..

Ok, the Mafia hit Pompano Beach this week and I am SO grateful that in a couple fits of boredom I had watched “Growing up Gotti”. On Tuesday, I had Salvatore Melandrinooooo (again I may have that spelling wrong- [wink]) in my office and he had a dispute with his rental car company. The entire time Sal was in my office he kept an unlit cigarette in his mouth held by a filter….I swear to you he must be a stand in for Tony Soprano b/c he was Goom-ba all the way…he started telling the guy at Enterprise, “You got some kind of nerve, you better be glad I’m not there in person and suddenly visions of him pulling out a gun and shooting his cell phone flashed into my head. I had to close my door, but since my fish bowl office has no ceiling it really didn’t help much, I am sure everyone in the lobby was thinking he was about to do a contract hit on me. Finally, we figured out how to get Enterprise to make the corrections on his account and Sal and I discussed an easier way for him to manage his accts…for whatever reason he insists on having two checking accts, two cell phones, and two debit cards, but he keeps forgetting which debit card goes to which account. I suggested he come back the next day for me to help him straighten out his accounts, heck this is ONE guy I do not want to make angry…I’m thinking of producing a pasta dish when he arrives….at any rate, Sal apologized and said, “since I got shot I don’t think too good”. See I told you. Below is    Anthony “Fat Tony” Salerno, who I am sure is Sal’s 4th cousin twice removed…..

I also met a man and his wife this week and Julian is German and apparently tres rich-he owns a small resort in Costa Rica and for whatever reason he thinks I am very competent and always comes to me to open accounts, close accounts, advise him on what to do with the extra 93,000 cash he had in a savings account…I said give it to me..but he just laughed in that German bourgeois way they have….then yesterday he invited me to come to his resort in Costa Rica, and I am pretty sure he doesn’t mean at a discounted rate, I think he meant for free..anyway we looked it up on the web (www.perlanegra-beachresort.com <http://www.perlanegra-beachresort.com/>; )  and while it is rustic, I’m ½ thinking of going for it…or at least “inquiring about the rates” and see where it goes…check out the site-five years ago I would have never attempted this kind of rustic adventure- hell after driving down Powerline Road at midnight, I’m about willing to try anything.

Then on Wed, Broward County’s finest showed up in my center..yes four Sheriffs deputies wanted to meet with me and this can never be a good sign..turns out they wanted to find out if I had cameras on the side of my building facing A1A b/c there had been a VIOLENT CRIME COMMITTED OVER THE WEEKEND right beside the banking center…gotta hate when those words are uttered…the amusing part was that they were all completely nonchalant and making jokes…just when I’m thinking should I put yellow tape around the building one of the
deputy chicks said oh yeah can you check on my credit card for me..you guys screwed up my payment…I kept trying to get more info about the violent crime and she kept saying yeah you took from the wrong acct, and paid too much, can you call me and let me know. They finally left and said btw, give us a call if you find anything out about the video..uh yeah sure..right after I buy a gun at the 7-11 down the street….

So, I was watching an episode of Dog the Bounty Hunter last night…(don’t judge)

and my equal fascination with his Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome Look and his wife’s GINORMOUS boobs kept me glued to the tv set..I mean really how does she stand upright? But I give her points for her perm and long nails….oh and extra points for finding knit tops that fit….Back to the Dog’s look-personally I think Prada should get right on that, but at any rate..in this episode , one of the huntees was a stripper with a penchant for smoking pot in her car-she had been arrested three times, etc…well fast forward to when they catch her and her boyfriend shows up on the scene…they ask him where they were planning to go to and his answer: Florida.

You see folks right there on cable tv. I finally figured it out..Florida is a place where people go to escape, start over or try and find something they lost within themselves and perhaps in some cases forget what they lost….in my case I was in a job I hated – working for a boss I hated even more with serious fashion and jealousy issues and being miserable being away from Michael…so I bungee jumped into what I thought would be a better opportunity to start over, reassess and most importantly forego the long weeks in between trips to Fla or anticipating the planes flying in to Greensboro with my precious cargo (M) on them.

I have figured out that there is a reason for everything and there are also universe-provided signs to point you in the right direction. On Monday, I walked out to my car to find a duck (didn’t know we had any around the condo???) sitting in the middle of the parking lot. This duck had red hair on the top of his head..SYMBOLISM anyone?  I thought he would hiss or walk away as I got closer but he just sat there, a sitting duck with red hair apparently staging a sit-in protest. As I pulled my car around he STILL didn’t move…and all day I couldn’t stop thinking about that duck.he was out of place, looking unlike anything else here and just quietly making a statement. He was me, and I knew it.

And his message was quite informative….while I have gotten used to Florida and have found some enjoyable nuggets here, life has dictated that I have to leave for awhile. My father’s health continues to decline and he and my family need my assistance…I have been asked to return home and under the guise of a family medical leave of absence, I will be facing the biggest challenge of my life. So Thomas Wolfe, you can go home again, even for the most saddest of reasons.

But it would be remorse of me to send this last postcard without a few final observations about this land, this demi-eden, this place called Florida. Who would have thought an ankle sock shaped state would have proven to be such a big challenge. But with all of the freaks, geeks , sheiks and in some cases eeks, I have to say the last 21 weeks have been nothing short of enlightening. I had a thought last night, driving home that Florida works in theory but not in application…it makes sense to have a place with great weather most of the year that people can retire to and or enjoy for a few months at a time..but for the natives it all seems to be an algebra problem gone horribly wrong.

Florida is a place where 40 story condominiums are built on grains of sand within walking distance of the ocean, that will storm surge five months of the year threatening utter destruction..I guess that means that at least in the construction business there must be hope here.

It is a land where palm trees flourish and grass will not grow…water from the sky has to be supported daily by water from the ground…..

It is a terrain populated by people who are from a hundred different races and countries but who never embrace that which is different…the color of your skin must be brown and glistening, your boobs must be fake or at least appear to be and your hair must be either an unnatural color or length…if you’re over 65 you must behave 25-30 years younger than your age and complain about everything including the price of bread at Publix and the taxes of the condo you bought on the beach.

But it is also a place where you can see the most beautiful sunsets, golf in February and find out more about yourself then you ever thought you could. My relocation to Florida taught me I could be brave in life and love. I could find humor in a place so foreign to me that it sometimes felt like I should apply for a visa or passport. I could find me. The writer, the poet and the eternal optimist willing to operate as a bit of a correspondent and relay back to the universe what I have seen, heard and felt…and while it has been a plethora of imagery and a great deal of strange occurrences, I wouldn’t have traded this experience for anything in the world.

Like the butterflies in Butterfly World, I was in captivity for awhile in a place that I was not used to but my winged self is now on to face new adventures. The time I will spend caring for my Dad will also be a chance to re-evaluate where I am going career-wise…and spend some time inventorying the gifts I already have. One big one is the drummer, the artist, my most favorite Italian man….a man with the most beautiful soul. M. He has made all the strife worth every second. I also realized I had a gift for survival..I used to think life was constantly throwing me punches that I didn’t handle as well as I should and now I realize hell I’m pretty damn strong and I can do it all in Gucci 4 inch heels. (one must never forget fashion in life) If the last 21 weeks have taught me anything it is that life is full of choices and sometimes we make ones that enlighten us in two ways…they prove what we already know and tell us what we didn’t.

So I have to leave for awhile, but I’ll be ok…I have two families supporting me and that’s pretty damn lucky in this universe.
And I have reruns of SATC to get me thru anything…for those of you who watched every damn episode like me , you’ll remember this…from the last one…Carrie’s final “postcard”.
“The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous”
And amongst the sequin sun visors, angry old men, crime and punishment…I found all of that and more.
Oh and by the way, the other night, Mike took me by a lake behind the condo…I had never noticed it before and one of the ducks had baby chicks…Mike had seen them on his bike ride and wanted me to see them too…they were all fuzzy and new and full of promise….ummm…and the duck with the red hair? He was there too…and I know you won’t believe me, but I’m pretty sure I saw him give me a wink.
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About kimthore

Freelance journalist, writer, arts and entertainment guru.. I'm a reviewer, music critic, publicist, columnist, writer, marketer and artist.... In a weird combination I am also a Process Improvement Expert with 15 years experience in Six Sigma, CPI, ISO, etc...so I can tell a corporation how to work more efficiently with Dio playing on my IPod
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